Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

My fiance is a big fan of the movies...and I only mention that because she is worse than me when it comes to sniffing out mainstream erotica. So, you know, totally hit her radar.
On my end, I brought the book at LAX one night to read on a layover, and I stopped when Grey picked up his phone to call for a helicopter and started using trucker jargon. "Breaker, breaker, two-nine..." NO! Not reading any more!
I honestly didn't even want to watch the movie after encountering that.
However, let's be honest, you aren't sitting down to watch the film because of dialogue or plot.
You're watching it because of sex. And, out of all the movies, this one actually delivers the most on it. AND, unlike all the sequels, it doesn't claim to be about anything else. It advertises itself as a movie about kinky sex and it delivers as being a movie about kinky sex.
So ten stars. It is exactly what it claims to be and delivers on that.

Honestly, it has been a long time since I've watched such a bad movie.
The script is just ... stupid and the dialogues even worse. The characters are not believable. I mean, when you watch Twilight, you just swallow the whole thing because it is fantasy and ... OK, it is just a stupid vampires story but, this is just toooooooo bad.
I've not read the book but I suspect the fail is not just in the movie but that it is adapting something that is already bad from the beginning.
The worst is that I kind of liked Dornan in his role in Fallen but this movie has made me realize what a short range of performing resources he has. Dakota Johnson is not too bad, though. The acting is OK, it is just that you hate such an stupid character.
One more to my very narrow list of movies in which I have seriously thought stop watching by the middle of it. I wasted the second hour too, though.