A comedy centered on three museum security guards who devise a plan to steal back the artworks to which they have become attached after they are transferred to another museum.
A somewhat daffy book editor on a rail trip from Los Angeles to Chicago thinks that he sees a murdered man thrown from the train. When he can find no one who will believe him, he starts doing some investigating of his own. But all that accomplishes is to get the killer after him.
Upon his release from a mental hospital following a nervous breakdown, the directionless Anthony joins his friend Dignan, who seems far less sane than the former. Dignan has hatched a harebrained scheme for an as-yet-unspecified crime spree that somehow involves his former boss, the (supposedly) legendary Mr. Henry.
When a bag filled with money goes missing from a casino, the Hitman (Chris O'Donnell) must retrieve it. While he tracks the stash down, the bag changes hands numerous times, finding its way to the Drifter (Jeremy Davies) and the Waitress (Rachael Leigh Cook), among others. As the bag's journey continues, more characters, including the Cop (Michael Rapaport) and the Sheriff (Keith David), get drawn into the winding crime tale, and the search becomes increasingly desperate.
Earl Montgomery, a bombastic police academy reject, and Hank Rafferty, a disgraced, mild-mannered cop, can't seem to escape each other. They met on opposite sides of the law during a routine traffic stop that escalated out of control; now as lowly security guards they're thrown together to bust a smuggling operation.
Advertising executive Nick Beame learns that his wife is sleeping with his employer. In a state of despair, he encounters a bumbling thief whose attempted carjacking goes awry when Nick takes him on an involuntary joyride. Soon the betrayed businessman and the incompetent crook strike up a partnership and develop a robbery-revenge scheme. But it turns out that some other criminals in the area don't appreciate the competition.
Mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show. But when Barnhardt can't bring the culprit to justice, a surly police detective is recruited to close the case.